remininsceth the past

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Back blogging peeps. Went t watch 2012 the day before yesterday. I'll rate it 5/5. Its the a nice show. Go see it man. Meet up with baby, fel, matt, jiki & SAMANTHA MA yesterday. chat awhile den went home for dinner. Bb and i went over to yishun for a pool game and well, i win like 8rounds and he win like just 3. Bleah baby, 're lousy. WAHAHAHAHA

Im so bored now. And baby wanna kidnap my laptop AGAIN!

Baby have been super sweet past few those after the 15min break up we had. We went for movies, malaysia and well, most of time with ppl i love :)  Xiao mei mei jiaxin wants me t update so here's my update. Show yesterday suck. And changi after that to disturbed ah gua. freaking funny and scary hahas. Baby kidnap my laptop so i cant upload pictures but i promise to upload soon. O and i fail my FTT. Bleah~ tata

I didnt really have the chance to post this few days because im actually busy playing texas poker. Anyway, samantha ma is out alr on the 4th of november. And happy belated birthday to valarie soh as well.

Here's the bad back together again :)

went cine with this asshole over here to meet up with nana and yongyun.

Had dinner at long john & went over to arcade after that.

see, a over size pig on a bike!

anyway, baby win. went to watch my gf is an agent and its dame fucking funny. Its a nice show and i give it a 4/5 :)

malaysia and home after that.

Baby called me in the morning at 1 plus and he woke me up from my sweet dream lah. Go back sleep after that. Den, i when i open my eyes, that ass hole is like right beside ma lah. Scary huh. After that i was so lazy to go out, i nua here and there until he ask me to wake up and wash up and change. Went over to bugis for shopping and i bought a pants. That idiot is really a fucking pig lah. Cant stop eating

 After that off to ahboy to buy bulb for his car. And den over to cinelesure to buy movie ticket for poker king. Its like 3 hours before the movie starts so we start walking around and went over t hongkong cafe for late dinner.

baby finally gave me the N95 and all i pass him was 20 bucks haha. Love you darlg. I want it to be like the old N95 pink colour casing. Weet. This time no hello kitty lo, its gonner be stitch <3

i look dame shag yesterday so all pictures will be my baby.

Lastly, baby slept at my house yesterday & we'll at daddy's shop now

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i've been working at daddy's place & meet up with baby and huihui not long ago. And because im too lazy to dress up properly, baby mel call me aunty. That hurts alot but i've got to admit, i look like one fucking aunty now. I want back my glam i want back my youth. Im getting fatter day by day & im gonner do sometime about it NOW.  Trust me. Since baby ask me not to care about his life, so i shall not and at the same time he shouldnt care about mine too anymore. Im so dead not like a rotten fish in the bin. And if all these continues, i think i've got to stick with irwan forever. And thats a nightmare. Im off today and i've already plan out everything. So im gonner sleep now and wake up early tomoro. I have to.

Over night with baby yesterday. Had mac for supper. And fall asleep after that. woke up went over to daddy's place till 8 plus den home. Tired like fuck. aint going anywhere. All i want is sleep now & im seriously lack of sleep!

Day out with baby dearest today. Went over to NUH to visit his friend. Another bike accident. His left eye is full of stitches & his kneel cap chip. All my friends out there, please ride becarefully and take care of yourself ok. Went hougang for our massage session and den over to plaza sing AJISEN for dinner. Arcade to play basket ball. Back to my house after that. Thanks baby for proving to me im still important to you. <3 Hope all this will last like forever?

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Baby broke up with me yesterday over a really really stupid thing. And i cried but this time, its just about 15min. I dont know what's the problem with me. I ask myself a billion time, whether i still love baby or not. Im not as sad as how i use to be and im actually more of worried. Worried about alot of thing instead of those hugs and kisses i will never have again. Went t find gina & vanessa. Not much of a console part but its more of making me smile and pour out our old history. Its great. You know baby, i will think back for like a few mins den forget about us for a few hours. I dont know, whether i still love you like how i use too. I want to sort this out badly. Maybe, im use to you beside me. Your sudden disappearence makes me feel so weird. When we break last time, i can wake up and cry & cry before i sleep but guess what happen this time. I wake up and cry for one min and den go do my things with laughter. Im such a bytch. i know. And when you say 're busy cant meet i was disappointed for awhile and den back playing my pool without worries. I guess thats what they call feeling faded huh. Baby, please help me find back the feeling i use to have for you can can?

Yes, maybe this might disappoint many many people but we patch back. Maybe fate wants us to try again. see whether things will better this time round. But my heart tells me that this time round, it might be the last time.

Went to meet My baby mel today along with mummy and grandma. Ate new york new york and den baby and me went to play pool and shopping. Its great & i haven got this feeling for like a million years? Everytime when im down, mel wont say things like what others will say to me. She will discourage me in a sense that things will be much better that way and she will always be there just for me. And that, is what i call friend. I love her so much. <3 Anyway baby, pool again soon ok <333333333333333333333333333333

Went over t zhenhua and talk things out with baby. Things are find now but like i say, everything seem so strange now. Hais. Im not emo or what just weird weird one lor. Zzz Went in malaysia with baby, sunshine and xiaohei. Didnt talk much either. Everything seems so weird and strange. For now, i rather be with my god-sis who is my baby. Mummy keep her as god daughter. So cool rightl <3 baby ( MEL ) Anyway im home now and pika's sleeping. Working tomoro. Nights peeps

Went over to aunty's office in them morning without any sleep. Tired like crazy. He call me saying he will be coming to find me after that. Didnt really hold his hands while walking to the coffee shop for lunch. Went back home after that and i fall asleep. And him, sit outside the sofa wait for me to wake up. Hahas.

Last but not least, im going to sleep now. Tired like crazy

Baby, do you know that i secretly cry and tear myself to shreds everynight?.
do you know that behind my seemingly warm happy ey lies a broken innocent, ravaged by many sinful hands?
do you know that i bleed for you, that i dwell in this eternal pain for, that you bind me to this duty?
do you know that you intertwined you and i and left me to take care of our withering souls?
do you know that for every smile i forcefully press against my face a slit is placed upon my delicate skin?
do you know that everyday you kill apart of who i am, that everytime you scream at my wrenching, contorting face i grow number?
do you ever know that i exist anymore?
do you know that for every word you say, it pierces my heart and grow closer to my death?
do you even care that you have started my reckoning?
do you know that i have to hid myself so that i could escape you because it was the only absolute solution?
do you realize that even as i lay in the plain plush cushions on my bed with an expressionless face, i still hold nothing but contempt for you?
do you finally understand cursed life you burdened on my fragile shoulders?
i dont think you do because you will never understand... will you?

Why do you have to always make me feel like i'm your princess and then hurt me after that with your words? 
Because i love you, i let you control my life.
Did whatever you think i should do and quit whatever you think isnt right for me.
But everytime i step back on step, you move forward three steps and slowly, you climb up my head.
I'm so vexed now a days and 're adding on to my problem.
i'm so sick and tired of you & all your nonsense you know. But i know, all you care is you yourself.
Like you always say baby, i could never find any boyfriend as sweet & fucked up as you.
Yes, i know you always give me what i what and some the smile on your face is priceless.
But the pain you give me back later is three times the pain.
can you teach me how can i let you go & not hurting myself?
can you teach me how can i live my life without you & at the same time i won't cry & hurt my eyes?

i guess in the end, i've got say a big thank you to you. No matter what's gonner happen later, whether you will continue holding my hand and not let go, let fate decided alright. Maybe its time to end all this but maybe it isnt. Im not as strong as you think i am baby. every tear you force out of my eye, you can never give it back. 

Anyway was with mel, fel & philip. I miss you guys alot but im sorry i left after that. Meet up soon again k. Someone once told me, when you got something, you've got to lose some other things as well. I guess i've got irwan & i lost those friends i once called them my dalrgs. Then when i gets irwan's full attention, i lost my bestfriend. And when i finally get some friends back, i lost irwan.